


A Question of Lust

by Spoofy



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Best Friends, Divorce, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Jealousy, Male-Female Friendship, still working on tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-04-20 21:40:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14270118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoofy/pseuds/Spoofy
Summary: Mia met Richard in a bar and they became fast friends. Everyone around them tries to push them together but will Mia be able to let her guard down and let Richard inside her heart?**As of September 23rd, 2018, chapters 1-7 are being slightly rewritten and edited. I will include in the info whether they have been changed. Sorry for the inconvenience!**





	1. Chapter 1

"Mia! If you don't wake up now, you're going to be late for work!"

I groan into my warm pillow, curling my large comforter up to my body as it refuses to be awake this early. Well, it's not _that_ early. When I glanced at my clock, it was 7:33 and that's not extremely early but Reagan kept me up all night gushing over some guy she flirted with the day before. She always romanticizes things beyond reality.

_"His strawberry blonde hair. His lip piercing. His hazel eyes. I wanted to die from cuteness! I still can't believe I gave a total stranger my number!"_

It all floods back and I groan again, not wanting to remember the eternity long discussion about random guy #72. I really should have gotten to sleep sooner because I already feel exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I love Reagan as if she were my blood but she tries way too hard to force fairytale fantasies into life that it's hard to watch sometimes. You want to believe that your friend can have that but you also don't want to deal with the aftermath of another loser not calling her. Plus, I was not crazy excited about her giving our phone number to a total stranger.

"Mia! If you aren't out here in five minutes, I'm coming in there with a bucket of ice water!"

"Fine! Jesus!" I finally respond, rising up out of bed like Frankenstein's monster. I walk over to my dresser and pause before I start grabbing clothes out of the drawer to remember what day it is. It's Friday so I get to dress down for work. Well, dress down slightly more since the dress code is already pretty laidback for me. One of the best perks of working as a bookkeeper: I'm stuck in an office by myself most of the time and people don't need to bother me that often.

I pull out my nicest pair of blue jeans (only slightly frayed on the thighs), a clean bra and a pair of cotton underwear. I only work four hours on Fridays and the mornings are usually quiet so I'll probably spend most of that time unbothered. I walk over to my closet and pull a long sleeved deep purple shirt off the hanger and throw it on top of everything, finally completing my ensemble. As I start stripping, there's a knock on my door.

"Oh good, you're awake," Reagan says, setting down a mug of (what I assume is) coffee. The aroma fills the air and I already start feeling more awake. Guess my coffee fix will have to wait until later.

"It's hard to not be awake when you're screaming bloody murder. I'm surprised the neighbors aren't banging on the walls already," I reply. Our apartment building isn't the greatest place but it is the most affordable. The pipes creak, the water is almost never hot, the walls are paper thin and the neighbors are super loud but it's home. Reagan moves over to my bed as I pull on my pants.

"Richard called for you last night when you were asleep. Guess he forgot about the time change," she says, sitting down Indian style and making herself very comfortable on my bed. Her information makes me very happy and makes me want to rush through my day. I've missed him while he's been away.

"Did he leave a message?" I ask, finally pulling the shirt over my head and sitting down next to her as I pull on some socks.

"Yeah. He said he'd meet you at the cafe after work. Is that the only place you two go to?" She starts braiding her hair as she's speaking to me and I start feeling very jealous of her long, mermaid-like hair.

"One of the only places." I start running my brush through my medium length hair in the mirror, trying to make it as straight as possible. It'll end up a wavy mess by the end of the day but I don't have the time to make myself up too much since I decided to sleep instead.

"Is he ever going to take you out for a nice dinner or something? For how much money he has, he sure is cheap about dates." My eyes automatically roll because this isn't the first time she's brought this up. It's gotten quite annoying at this point.

"One, we don't need to go anywhere fancy because that's not why we hang out and two, it's just hanging out. We're friends and friends don't go out on dates." Now she's the one that is rolling her eyes as I see it through her reflection in the mirror.

"Mia, that man ADORES you," she says, trying hard to emphasize her point.

"We're just friends," I reply, this time trying to emphasize the facts.

"You're delusional. You don't see the way he looks at you because you're too busy having this invisible force-field pushing him away." I honestly don't know what she's even talking about at this point. Now going to work is sounding a little better if it ends this conversation. I turn to face her, annoyance very obvious in my face.

"Let's just say, for a second, that you're right and Richard is _SUPER_ in love with me. He's on tour for like, half the year. When he's not touring, he's working on music. Both of those things alone get him the most beautiful women around the world." She scoffs at my line of thinking.

"What exactly are you saying, Mia? I'm going to hit you if you're saying that you're ugly."

"I'm not saying I'm ugly but I'm not exactly model gorgeous," I start, shrugging my shoulders, "I'm just me. I'm very average and something tells me that the women Richard gets are more than average." She groans and throws one of my pillows and I narrowly avoid it, turning back towards my closet to look for my cardigan.

"You are absolutely delusional! I wish, just for one day, that you could see outside of your body so you could see how in love with you that man is."

"I thought that something might happen but I'm fine that we're friends. We're really close and he's probably one of my best friends now." This is when my second pillow comes hurling at my back and hits me in the back of the head.

"Excuse me? Am I chopped liver?" I hope she's joking. I mean, we do live together and she knows I consider her to be my sibling.

"Absolutely not. I appreciate the sentiment but you don't need to worry about me. I'm doing just fine. I need to go or I'm going to be late." I walk over to my bed and give her a kiss on the top of her head as a thank you for her attempt at a pep talk and head out the door, grabbing my keys and shoulder bag off the wall. I can't lie and say that this won't be on my mind my entire walk to work.

 

* * *

 

"Bis später, Herr Krause," I say, waving to the older man near the front door. He gives me a small smile and waves back before I exit. Work went by extremely fast, mostly because I didn't spend a lot of the time staring at the clock. Speaking of, the clock on the wall said it was a quarter after 12 and I told Richard I would be at the cafe at 12:30 so I don't have to hurry as much as I thought.

The city is quite busy, probably because people are leaving work early or grabbing lunch. I've loved living here for the past year, especially since meeting Richard and his friends. I had heard of Rammstein but didn't know who they were until one night when I tried to steal his drink.

The bar we were both at was super busy and we both grabbed a beer the bartender sat down, thinking it was for us. When we both grabbed it and tried to walk away, we ended up spilling it all over the bar. The bartender hated us but we were laughing way harder than we should have been. He invited myself and Reagan to join him and his friends and from then, Richard and I became pretty inseparable. He hit on me most of the night and I'm pretty sure he thought I would just automatically go home with him and was pleasantly surprised when I didn't.

I honestly didn't think I'd see him again until he showed up where I worked one day and asked me if I would have lunch with him. I was so curious as to how he found out where I worked but I always figured I just mentioned it that night at the bar and he actually paid attention. They talked about music in passing but it wasn't until that lunch when people would beg him for autographs that I put together it what he did for a living, not that it changed anything. He's always been really fun to be around, even if it's just hanging out in a coffee shop.

As I round the corner, I see Richard through the large windows at the front of the cafe. There's a steaming cup of coffee next to an olive green journal that he's writing in rather furiously. The bell above the door chimes loudly and Richard looks up, meeting my eyes with a wonderful grin.

"Ah, hallo Mia!" he practically shouts, immediately standing up to put his arms around me tightly, planting a kiss on my cheek. He's always so charming.

"How are you? How was New York?" I ask, letting him go and pulling out the chair opposite of him and sitting down. A waitress comes over and asks me for my order and since I know my paycheck is going to be pretty light, I order just a coffee. I can always eat when I get home.

"You aren't eating?" he asks, sitting back down at the table.

"No, I'm not terribly hungry," I reply, Richard not believing my lie for a second. When the waitress comes back over, he orders a piece of cheesecake "for the frau." Before I object, he raises his hand to shut me up and I roll my eyes as a response, knowing that it's pointless to fight him.

"I won't take no for an answer. You're always hungry for dessert. I'll also be paying the bill this time since you so very sneakily paid it last time while I went to the restroom," he says, glaring at me in a playful manner. My shoulders go to an automatic shrug and I start laughing, thinking about how I did pull a fast one on him and he was kinda pissed about it.

"You paid for the time before. I just figured it was my turn," I respond. The waitress comes back with a very thick slice of cheesecake and my stomach growls, Richard laughing at how my stomach proved him right.

"I know you better than you think." Richard takes a sip of coffee and closes the journal tightly, pushing it off to the side and giving me his full attention. He sort of just sits there, resting his chin in his hand and staring, not really saying anything but making intense eye contact while I shovel bites of cake into my mouth.

"So New York?" I ask, reminding him that I asked him a question.

"Ah yes! New York was great. I got a lot of work done, saw some old friends, and now I'm back here. For awhile." He emphasizes that last part hard. I just nod and smile, not really knowing what to say. He didn't really tell me why he was heading to the states but I wished him well and told him to call me when he returned. I honestly thought he was just taking a vacation but it sounds like it was more business than pleasure.

"That's great. Are you staying in Berlin?" I ask, finishing the last of the cake and setting the silverware on top of the plate. I smile up at him as a thank you for the delicious treat. Richard really does know me quite well by now, not that I would ever admit that to him.

"Yes, there's a house here that Paul, Schneider, and myself are renting," Richard replies, taking another sip of coffee. It baffles me that none of them have permanent residents around here but I guess being on the road makes it hard to take care of a home.

"When is the house party?" I ask and Richard starts laughing, shifting in his chair to cross his legs and rest his hands on top.

"The last thing I need is another party," he replies, grabbing his cup for the last time and finishing its contents. The waitress comes over and asks him if he would like more but he politely declines, giving that smile everyone loves so much. She lingers longer than needed, staring at him before finally leaving the check on another table. I just roll my eyes and laugh, also finishing the last of my black, very strong coffee. All the sudden I feel very energized and the tiredness of this morning is gone.

He looks up at me confused. "What's so funny?"

"You," I reply, very honestly, "You can't even go to a coffee shop without being gawked at."

"Gawked?" He asks, I think wanting to know what my very American vernacular means.

"Stared at. Adored. Worshipped," I reply, laying emphasis on the last one to really stroke his ego. I'm not completely evil and will pander to him some of the time but that's mostly for my own amusement.

"I only have eyes for you, liebling. You have my full attention." He leans forward, resting his arms on top of the table and leaning in close to me. I lean ahead in response and come very close to his face.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Herr Kruspe? Like I'm some groupie who worships you?"

"Maybe. Is it working?" His breath is very hot against my face and I don't let those beautiful eyes fool me for a second.

"Not even a little bit," I smile in my response, giving him a swift kiss on the point of his nose before sitting back down in my seat, crossing my legs and smiling smugly. His head drops and he starts laughing.

"One day, you'll submit. All the women do."

"Keep telling yourself that, Reesh. Now tell me more about New York before I really make you cry." My pandering can only go so far before I reign it back in.

"There isn't much I can talk about yet. I did take my kids to the Statue of Liberty before they went back home." I found out pretty early on that he had children. From the way he talks about them, he seems like a great dad, reminding me of a lot of qualities my own dad had.

"I'd like to see it one day." He laughs and shakes his head.

"You're an American. How have you not seen the Statue of Liberty?" I just shrug my shoulders again, thinking about why I haven't really seen it. It's not that interesting of a reason.

"The only time I've been to New York was when I was 19 and I only saw the airport because it was a layover," I reply honestly. It was a four hour delay on my way to Ireland with Reagan. She's always been the best travel buddy.

"You're missing out," he starts, taking a glance out the window before finishing, "Don't get me wrong, I love it here. I love Berlin but New York has an amazing energy to it."

"That's how I feel about here. I don't think I'd like living anywhere else as much as here. I better start looking for a German husband because I'm never leaving," I declare wholeheartedly and giggling. It really was a whim to come here but I'm glad I did it. I've fallen in love with this city. Richard chuckles and stretches out, groaning as his bones crack.

"We could always marry you off to Schneider. It's about time he settles down and has a family." He smiles but it almost instantly fades, as if he doesn't like the idea at all.

"Couldn't be so bad. We do get along very well and I mean, you got married," I reply, trying to poke some fun but hoping that my joke doesn't turn sour. He chuckles uncomfortably.

"And you've seen how that turned out." He's made no qualms about he's still legally married but that the relationship has been over for quite some time. His smile fades and there's a silence between us. I seem to have hit a sore spot and I feel some regret for my words.  

"Do you think you'd ever get married again?" I ask, trying to break the silence and for my own curiosity.

"I need to get divorced and meet my soul-mate first but yeah, sure." He replies quickly. Almost too quickly, like he didn't really think about the question.

"Why did you get married if she wasn't your soul-mate?" This has me thinking about really the only relationship I've ever seen: my parents.  God, what a fucking trainwreck that was. All he does is chuckle nervously, his cheeks turning bright red.

"You're getting too deep for me and I think I'm too tired to give a real answer. I went from the airport straight to the rental house to drop off my bags and then came here."

I give him sort of a 'what the fuck' look and start laughing."Don't stay awake just for me," I start, standing up from my seat, "Go home and get some rest."

Richard's eyes widen and he places his hand over his heart. "You don't want to spend time with me? I'm so sad now." He makes a sad face before he looks up and starts chuckling.  

"I would love to spend time with you but I don't want to be the reason you're fighting sleep. Besides, I'm sure Reagan wants to do something tonight." He gets up and follows me out of the coffee shop, holding the door open for me. The clouds are dark and it looks like rain is coming soon. Hopefully, not until after I get home.

"Don't make any plans," Richard says, shoving his journal between his arm and his side and shoving his hands down into his pockets, "Paul and Schneider want to do something tonight." It is Friday and that's usual the night we drink and have fun. I sound so boring, having to schedule fun to a specific day but it's always worked out well for both us and the guys.

"That sounds fun. Are you going to be awake for that? You're getting up there in age,  you know. Might just need to call it a night."

"Why must you hurt my heart, Mia? I just need to sleep for a couple of hours." Richard's mouth drops before he laughs and pulls me into his arms, holding onto me for what seems like forever.

"Just call me later with the address," I speak into his chest before wiggling out of his grasp.

"Okay. Bis später, liebling."

 

* * *

 

"Reagan? Where are you?" I shout into the air of our shared apartment as I put down my shoulder bag and keys on the small table near the front door.

"In here!" I hear a faint reply from Reagan's room. I strut towards her room and the door is already cracked, music flowing through her small boombox. Sounds like some radio pop bullshit but I'm not one to judge. She turns around and greets me as I open her door.

"What are you doing?" I ask, throwing myself on her bed and getting comfortable, much like she did on my bed this morning.

"Getting ready. Why aren't you doing the same thing?"

"Because I don't know what I'm supposed to be getting ready for?" I reply, a very confused look plastered on my face. She didn't tell me about any plans, at least ones that I could remember making.

"Schneider called earlier looking for you. He invited us over. Did you know that him, Paul, and Richard moved into a place together?"

"I just found out a little bit ago from Richard," I nod. Schneider and I became pretty fast friends after we met, having a lot of similar interests in movies, video games, and music. While there was some initial attraction with Richard, Christoph and I clicked as friends very quickly.

"How was your date?" Reagan asks. I just roll my eyes and try to move past her implication.

"It was good. He's apparently staying here for awhile." I start fiddling with the hem of my shirt, not making eye contact with her, eventually feeling confident enough to look at her.

"Maybe he'll stop being such a wimp and start putting the moves on you for real tonight." I chuckle at that thought. He has already tried to "put the moves on me" and it hasn't really worked out for him. Maybe if it felt a little more genuine..

"And maybe I'll win a million dollars and won't have to worry about bills anymore," I reply, crawling towards the end of her bed and sitting up. Reagan turns around and cocks her head, looking sympathetic.

"Do you need help with something? You know that all you have to do is ask."

"It's bad enough that you let me live here at a reduced rent. Believe me, that's enough." Reagan has been doing modeling work in between working at nightclub. She lives a fairly comfortable life, a lot of that due to choosing a cheaper place to live. Because she makes quite a bit more money than me, she decided that she would take care of most of the rent while I would just buy food for the house. I've always been so grateful for her generosity but I can't say that it still doesn't make me uncomfortable sometimes.

"Well, if there's a problem, just let me know," she says, walking over and putting her arm around me, leaning in close and putting her lips very close to my ear, "Plus, you could always marry Richard and he could take care of your financial woes." As soon as I make eye contact with her, she smiles and I push her away before laughing myself.

"Funny enough, he was trying to marry me off onto Christoph so I can stay here permanently. So, are you going to try something on someone tonight? I'm assuming that's what this outfit is," I ask, pointing at her outfit. She's normally pretty reserved, wearing mostly t-shirts and jeans (much like me) but tonight she has on a very short mini skirt and a sheer top.

"No! Well, I dunno ...  I'm hoping that one guy will be there. The one with the goatee? He's really cute but he doesn't really talk much. He talks to you, right?" There's only one person she could be talking about.

"Ollie? Yes, he has spoken words to me before," I answer. Thunder clasps outside and I look towards the window, thinking about how hard it's going to be to get a taxi.

"Has he ever said anything about me?" Reagan's question snaps me back to the moment at hand.

"Not that I can really remember. We usually just make small talk. He seems to be more shy than the others." The bassist has been nothing but nice to me but I'm usually the one that has to initiate conversation. I can't say that that's a bad thing since he says what he means and nothing more but it does mean that the others can easily talk over him.

"He seems really nice. I think he's pretty cute too," Reagan starts, primping herself in the mirror, "Are you going to go get ready? I want to leave before the rain gets any worse."

"Aye aye, Captain," I reply, saluting her before leaving her room. She gives me a smirk and continues pampering herself as I head towards my room. I decide to stay in jeans but decide to exchange my normal, professional jeans for the ones that have a few holes in them. Stripping out of my work shirt, I exchange that for a tank top and then pull my cardigan back on.

When I get out to the living room, Reagan is waiting impatiently for me, tapping her foot against the tile. I give her a nod before she rolls her eyes and heads towards the closet, pulling my leather jacket out.

"You'll catch a cold if you don't wear a jacket," she says, shoving the jacket into my arm before walking to the door and opening it. She's usually not so pushy but she must be excited. I can't get mad about that.


	2. Chapter 2

The cab pulls up to their rental house as the rain starts beating down. Luckily, the trek from the cab to the front door is nothing more than a quick jog and the front door is covered by a small awning. We ring the door bell, huddling together for warmth when Schneider answers the door.

"Hallo! Come in and get out of this crazy weather." He motions into the house and we gladly waltz inside. At quick glance, the house is very swanky. Completely furnished with a very open floor plan. The living room connects to the kitchen with nothing but a single step. With what little daylight left through the hazy rain, I see there's big windows in front of the kitchen sink, looking out at decent sized pool. Seems like rockstar heaven.

Paul scoots down the stairs quickly and smiles, instantly wrapping me in a warm hug. His scent is the usual cigarette smoke musk and it feels inviting, almost like home. He hugs me so fast that when I feel something hard brush against my leg, I'm startled but my fears fade when I see Paul has what looks like some kind of video camera in his hand. When he lets me go, Schneider comes in for an embrace as well, giving me a swift kiss on the cheek while Paul records us.

"It's nice to see you guys again. The house is beautiful. Is that a new camera, Paul?" I ask, Schneider letting my damp body go.

"Yes! I just bought it yesterday. What do you think?" He takes the lens off of me, showing me some of the features of it and it's fun to see my friend so excited about a new gadget. Reagan looks a little bored but she's still being polite, her eyes darting around the home. I wonder if she's taking in the house or looking for Oliver.

"Very cool. You'll have to show me how to use it." He starts recording me again and I get a little camera shy, laughing and trying to make silly faces to ease my bashfulness. "How do you like the house?" Hopefully, the subject change will get the camera out of my face.

"I like it," he answers, putting the camera down and taking a seat on the very big sectional couch, sitting on it incorrectly so he can still see us. Reagan takes her coat off and Schneider motions for me to give him my coat. I shrug it off, shaking it lightly to get some of the rain off.

"You just like it? It's amazing. I love the floor plan," Reagan says, taking a seat next to Paul. As she sits down, Ollie shuffles down the stairs. When he sees me, he immediately gives me a small wave and I see Reagan turning shades of pink. Schneider comes back and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into another hug and walking toward the others sitting on the couch. Automatically, I wrap my arms around his waist. The last day that I saw Christoph was the same day that Richard left for New York and I've missed him just as much as Richard, obviously in a different way. He's really great to be around and talk to and we've grown very close.

"Well, the plan was to go out tonight," Schneider starts, resting his head on top of mine while we gently sway, "but Ollie won't drive in the rain and he's the only one that's offered to be our designated driver so we decided to stay in tonight and drink at home. Is that okay?"

"Perfectly fine with that. Now you can give me the tour," I reply, moving my head to smile up at him. We hear footsteps behind us and when we turn around, Richard is coming down the stairs, his face going from excited to apathetic. Schneider lets go and pushes me away so fast, it nearly makes my head spin and when I look to my friend for an answer, he starts turning beet red.

"Hey," I say, walking towards Richard who's hanging out on the last stair, hand gripping the railing, "Did you get some sleep?"

"Mm-hmm," he replies. He's usually not this quiet and now I'm worried. Richard can be a hot head and when he's mad, he'll let you know he's mad. The fact that he's quiet has me very nervous.

"I'm uhh, going to go grab some drinks," I hear Christoph say behind me as he scuttles off towards the kitchen. Richard takes a seat on the couch and I follow him, sitting down quite close to him. I'm not really sure what's going on with him but I can tell his mood is very sour. I really wanted a fun night with my friends but now, I'm not sure what's going to happen. Maybe he'll loosen up as the night goes on. Schneider comes back with a tray full of shot glasses and a bottle of tequila.

Paul's face lights up when the alcohol is put on the coffee table in front of us. He grabs one while Ollie grabs two glasses, one for him and one for Reagan. I grab two as well, handing one to Richard. He refuses to make eye contact with me but grabs it out of my hand rather roughly, some of the alcohol sloshing on my hand. Schneider sits down next to Paul and grabs the last glass.

"Prost!" Schneider and Paul say together. Everyone raises their glass and takes the shot, what I'm assuming is the first of many. I stare down at my empty glass, trying not to look over at Richard, still unsure why he's so upset. I can't even tell if it's something I've done but what can I do if he won't talk to me? Things go quiet pretty instantly, Schneider being the first to try and break the silence.

"Are you still liking it here in Berlin, Mia?" he asks, folding one leg over the other before resting his hands on top. I look up at him and his face is so hopeful to get past the awkwardness in the room and I decide to oblige my friend.

"Yes. The city is beautiful. Well, when it's not pouring down rain," I start saying, getting an idea of how to ease the tension with Richard, "Richard and I were actually talking today about how I need to find a German husband so that I can stay here permanently. He suggested marrying me off to you," I start giggling, pointing at Schneider and when I finally look over a Richard, his expression is still very stoic.

Paul starts laughing, giving his friend a slight punch in the shoulder. Schneider turns quite red again but laughs. "Everyone has been telling me that it's time to settle down but I need to know what you have to offer before I agree to anything," he replies, laughing a little harder.

"I dunno. Daily blowjobs and wide birthing hips?" I say jokingly, shrugging before breaking out into a hard laughter. Reagan laughs as I see Ollie's mouth turn into a grin but still being very quiet.

"He requires three German sons," Paul chimes in, starting the negotiations, "He has to keep the Schneider name going." At this point, Christoph has his hand over his eyes, laughing but obviously embarrassed at being the subject of the conversation.  

"Two sons and a daughter," I retort, even though I've always hoped I'd never have a daughter. The last thing I need is a relationship like my mother and I's was. The joking has my sides hurting and even though I'm just making stuff up by this point, I'm having a lot of fun. Paul leans in and Schneider whispers something in his ear, Reagan laughing loudly and looking over at me. Richard is still very quiet and when I look over to him, he has his hands in tight fists, the skin looking white.

"My client agrees to two sons and a daughter as long as there's a house in the countryside with at least two dogs," Paul replies, trying to look as serious as he can but unable to stop the smile from spreading across his face. I pretend to think about it and then speak.

"Agreed," I answer, extending my hand towards Christoph. He takes it, giving it a small kiss before we start laughing hard.

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Schneider!" Reagan announces loudly. Paul starts pouring more shots out for everyone and all the glasses are taken except for one. Richard continues to sit and sulk and it's really starting to annoy me. How can he be such a grump when we're all just hanging out and having a good time?

*****

Reagan and Ollie have went off somewhere in the house and Paul, Schneider, Richard, and myself are still on the couch. Richard has said barely anything and is still looking unhappy. The rest of us have tried to bring him out of this mood but he isn't having any part of it. Eventually, I just give up and continue talking to the other guys. We've gotten a few shots in and I'm feeling quite buzzed and despite Richard's moodiness, I've been having a great time.

"I'm going to go smoke. Join me?" Paul asks, motioning his pack of cigarettes towards Schneider. He follows him and when Paul turns to me, I politely decline. Now maybe I can get to the bottom of what Richard's problem is. Once there's a couple of minutes of us being alone, I finally work up some courage. Thank you, tequila.

"What's your problem?" I ask him, not even bothering looking over in his direction.

"What are you talking about?" He asks, shifting on the couch to look at me. When I finally look at him again, his face seems a little more calm but he's still very defensive.

"You've been an asshole all night," I start, shifting towards him, "We've been having a good time and you've been this dark cloud. I want to know what your deal is."

Richard doesn't answer me and doesn't say anything for awhile and I get to the point where I get so frustrated with him that I give up and get up from the couch, moving over towards the kitchen. With the open floor plan of the house, we're still in the same room technically but at least I'm not right next to him. Leaning against the counter, I look out the large windows, seeing Schneider and Paul smoking on the other side of the yard that's covered by an awning. The rain is still coming down but it looks like they're managing to stay dry.

"Why don't you go join your husband?" I hear Richard say. He walks into the kitchen but walks right past me, heading towards the refrigerator.

"Is that seriously what you're so upset about? We were just kidding around." I say, turning to face his back with my arms folded. When he finally closes the fridge and looks back at me, he has a water bottle in his hand and that familiar look comes across his face.

"Richard, you were the one that mentioned it earlier today. Christoph is my friend and I thought he would get a kick out of it." I start walking towards him and his eyes drop to the floor.

"Are you as close to him as you are to me?" he asks, looking back up at me. His bluish-green eyes have some hurt in them but I don't know what it is that I've done. I thought we were all joking around, like we normally do. This is definitely not the worst thing that's been talked about among our little group. Something in Richard has changed tonight and I'm not sure if I have the energy to figure it out but it kills me that he's hurting.

"Why does that matter? I care about you both a lot."

"It matters to me. Are you in love with him?" He spits the words at me like poison. My head starts spinning from what I'm assuming is the alcohol but I do my best to hold my ground. I won't let him bulldoze me like this. I stand directly in front of him and try to hold his gaze once more.

"I love and care about both of you. In different ways. Why are you so upset about this?" I ask, placing my hand on his clean shaven cheek, hoping that this can calm him down. When he finally starts to open his mouth to say something, the back door opens and Paul and Schneider come strolling in from the rain, stopping dead in their tracks as they look upon us. My hand drops back down to my side and I take a step backwards, Richard shuffling away without saying a word. When I muster up the strength to look over at my friends, I hear Richard's heavy footsteps on the stairs.

"Is everything okay?" Paul asks, shrugging off his coat.

"I'm not sure," I answer honestly. It looked like he was about to say something important to me before the boys came back inside.

"Did you find out what's wrong with Richard?" Schneider asks from the living room while hanging up coats.

"I'm not sure. I think he just needs some time to cool off," I answer, very nonchalantly. I'm still unsure of what his issues are but I have a feeling that he'll be better tomorrow. When the thought of tomorrow comes across my mind, I check the time on the clock on the wall: 12:34.

"It's getting late. Might have to call it a night," I say, starting to walk over to where Schneider is sitting on the couch.

"I think your friend is upstairs with Ollie," Paul says, a smile going across his face as he starts messing with his camera again.

"Great," I breathe out. I can't just leave her here, even though I trust everyone staying here. I would feel terrible if I left her here by herself.

"You can just stay here, Mia. It's still raining really hard and we have a spare room." Schneider does pose a really good proposition. Going home now would be difficult and I wouldn't feel okay leaving Reagan behind. It would be for the best to just hang out here for the night.

"Yeah, that sounds great," I start, stretching out and yawning, "Thanks, guys." Paul gets up and prompts me to follow him up the stairs. I thought this was only a two story house but it's actually three, the top floor being an attic that's been renovated for two bedrooms. He shows me to the room to the right of the second set of stairs, giving me a small kiss on my cheek before telling me goodnight.

The room is small but it has a fairly comfortable bed and that's all that really matters to me at this point. It would be big enough for both Reagan and I to sleep in but I assume she's sleeping elsewhere so after I pull my shoes off and set them against the edge of the bed, I immediately sprawl out and take over the entire bed. My heart still hurts from how Richard was acting earlier and I rack my brain of what I can do to make him feel better. I didn't mean to hurt him by joking around with Christoph earlier but that's what we've always done together.

_"Are you in love with him?"_

His words ring in my ears and the words seem so silly to me. Of course I love Schneider but I'm not in love with him. He's become one of my closest friends since living in Germany and I absolutely love spending time with him but it's just that: we're very close friends. If it's ever looked like I've been interested in him, it's been purely accidental and I assume the same goes for him. From what he's said in the past, I'm very much not his type.

I quickly change my chain of thoughts to wondering what Reagan is up to and hoping whatever she's up to, she's being careful. Ollie seems nice but that's the only thing I've ever seen of him. I don't know him nearly as well as the others but Reagan is a grown woman and can fend for herself. I just don't know if my heart can take another one of her heartbreaks.

There's a small knock on the door and I wonder if it's Christoph coming to tell me goodnight. I jump off the bed and when I open the door, I'm pleasantly surprised to find it's Richard on the other side. I try to smile at him but he's still in a mood.

"Here," he says, lightly shoving what looks like a pair of pajama pants into my arms, "So you don't have to sleep in your jeans." I take them and he looks down to the floor before heading back to his room, which I find to be the one right across the hall from me. Even when he's mad and in a horrible mood, he still took the time to think of me. Before he closes his door, his eyes meet mine and it's like an electric charge between us. My heart starts beating incredibly fast and I feel like I can't catch my breath. The door closes completely and suddenly, all I want is to open it back up and tell him that I'm sorry and I don't even know what exactly it is that I'm sorry for.

I close the door to my room and sink back down onto the bed, feeling utterly defeated. I start feeling sadness that this is where things are left with Richard but maybe we can talk in the morning and he'll be a little more calm. I stare down at the pajama pants, just a simple pair of black cotton pajama bottoms, and hold them close to my chest. My head won't stop spinning and I silently pray that I'll be able to find a little bit of sleep tonight.

 

* * *

 

"You're going to burn it, Paul!"

The sudden noise startles me out of a dream that I can no longer remember but despite the rude awakening, I wake up happy. I think I have the dream to thank for that but I wish I could remember what it was. I thought being on the third level of the house would shelter me from the noise on the first floor but I guess the walls are thin. Or the guys are just that loud.

I stretch out in bed, looking down at the tank top I wore last night and start feeling a little grungy. I'll probably stick around for a little bit longer before heading back home. Hopefully I don't smell awful. I pull the large blanket off me and take a look down at the pajama pants that Richard gave me and they're super comfortable, helping me relax last night. I should change back into my jeans but it's too early for that so I stick to the pajama pants and don't even bother putting my bra back on. These boys are going to see what I look like 90% of the time and I hope they aren't scared off.

When I get down to the kitchen, Paul and Schneider are lightly arguing while cooking some food. It smells absolutely delicious and my mouth starts water, realizing that I didn't really have dinner last night.

"Guten Morgen, Mia!" Paul exclaims, waving a spatula in his hand. Schneider is working hard on frying up what looks like sausage at the stove built into the kitchen island.

"Morning, boys," I reply, leaning against the island in front of them.

"Breakfast is almost done. Hope you like your toast on the burnt side," Schneider says, giving Paul the evil eye. His response is just laughing, giving his friend a playful punch on the arm.

"There's also coffee over here," Paul says, pointing to the machine behind him. I walk over and pull down a coffee mug and when I look out the windows, I see Richard. He's shirtless, sitting on one of the lounge chairs by the pool with one of his acoustic guitars in his hand. Before pouring the coffee, I turn around to speak with the cooking boys.

"Has anyone talked to Reesh yet?" Schneider glances over at me, giving me a strange look. He must not be use to me calling Richard by his nickname and he smirks, looking back down at his preparations.

"He said 'good morning' and told me to tell him when the coffee was done," Paul answers, continuing to cook and not looking back at me.

"I'll go let him know," Schneider starts. When he heads towards the door, I step in his way.

"Don't worry about it. I'll bring it to him," I say, heading back over to the coffee machine. I pull down another mug and pour the black coffee in. Richard and I drink coffee the same way which makes it very easy on me. I put a mug in each hand and Schneider opens the door for me.

Richard doesn't notice that I've come outside until I walk the small, still damp path around the pool towards the lounge chairs.

"Is this seat taken?" I ask, motioning towards the one he isn't sitting on with one of the mugs.

"It's all yours, liebling," he replies, putting his guitar down, "Is that for me?" He points to one of the mugs and I nod, handing it over to him. He seems way more relaxed today than he was last night. I sit down and we start chugging down coffee, not saying anything. As I start to say something, he starts saying something as well and we end up laughing.

"How did my pants hold up?" he asks me, setting his coffee down on the cement.

"Good. They're very comfortable. Thank you," I reply, finishing the last of my coffee. The silence sets in and it's not uncomfortable but I think it's both of us wanting to say something but not wanting to be the first one to talk.

"Are you still mad at me?" I ask, hoping that the answer will be good.

"I wasn't mad at you, Mia. I'm sorry for how I acted last night," he answers, grabbing my empty hand and holding it. His fingers are calloused from what I'm assuming is playing the guitar constantly but his hand is warm and it feels good. His fingers work their way through mine and I just watch the motion. I look up at him and when our eyes meet, he smiles. I can't help but smile back. He gets up and moves over to my chair, sitting very close to me.

"I'll forgive you if I can hold onto these pants for a little while longer," I say, resting my head on his shoulder. I don't know what this response that my body is doing is but I'm just going with it, even though there are parts of me involuntarily trying to fight it. I just feel so comfortable with him right now, when he's calm and relaxed and I guess happy? He wraps his arm around me, resting his hand at my waist and pulling me in close to him, his body just as warm as his hand.

"Keep them as long as you like." We stay this way for what seems like an eternity and I feel so incredibly relaxed with him. All the sudden, I start feeling really nervous and scared at what's happening between us so I stand up rather abruptly, picking up his coffee mug and standing in front of him, his face puzzled.

"What are you doing today?" he asks, staring up at me and stopping me in my tracks.

"Well, I need to go home and shower because I feel gross but other than that, nothing," I reply.

"Spend the day with me." It isn't a question, it's a command. I didn't have plans anyways and I do want a good time with him after last night. I think he needs to make it up to me at least a little bit.

"Doing what?"

"Anything you want." He says it with a small smile and my knees start feeling a little weak. What the hell, Mia? What is going on with you?

"Okay," I start, walking back towards the house, "but I really need to go home and shower and get a fresh set of clothes."

He laughs, trailing behind. "Sure. I'll give you a ride." As we walk back towards the door, Schneider pulls it open abruptly.

"Mia, Reagan is on the phone for you," he says, shaking the phone in his hand.

"What? She's not here?" After me feeling bad if I left her behind, she left me here? What the fuck?

"No, she went with Ollie this morning. She said it's an emergency." Richard looks at me concerned and I take the phone. Reagan is frantic and I can't believe the words she's basically sobbing into the phone.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank goodness for Richard having a car and being able to drive me back to my home swiftly. He changed quickly but I was still hopping mad so I quickly threw my shoes on and said quick goodbyes to Paul and Christoph. They really wanted to know what was going on but there was no time to give half answers. I had to get home.

I stayed in Richard's pajama pants since he was able to drive me and I wouldn't have to worry about parading around in public in pajamas. When we pull up to my apartment building, there's a huge crowd of people around the entrance, some I've seen many times in passing but knowing none of their names. Richard parks as close to the building as possible and before he can even get the car turned off, I'm hopping out, trying to find Reagan. Richard follows, using his tallness to help me try and spot her.

"What's going on? This crowd is huge," he asks, still trying to scan the crowd. In our hurry, I didn't want to talk about it until we got here. Right now, I really need to focus on finding my roommate.

"I'm not sure. All I know is Reagan was crying, begging me to come home. I need to find her. Maybe since I'm a tenant, I'll be able to get through the crowd."

"Yeah. There's a coffee shop down the street. I'll grab us some coffee and be back in a few minutes." He gives me a small kiss on the cheek before he fights the crowd to get us some caffeine. I'm not concerned about that at all but I do appreciate his kindness. He probably wants to help and doesn't know how to.

I start politely pushing through the angry mob, trying to find Reagan. After searching countless strangers' faces, I find her towards the front of the building, arms folded in an angry stance. I tap her on the shoulder and she turns around, tears full blown rolling down her eyes.

"Oh Mia!" She throws her arms around me and sobs into my shoulder.

"What's going on? Where's Ollie?" It's all I can muster up. There's many men coming in and out with tools but I'm still unsure of what's going on.

"What? Oh, he headed back towards the house but never mind that. From what I've heard from the other tenants, the water pipes busted completely and it's flooding all the apartments. I was just getting back when everyone was evacuating." My heart just sinks to the floor. What are we going to do? As much as I'm worried about all of our stuff, it's very obvious that we aren't going to be able to live here. Where will we go? Will the management put us up somewhere else or are we just shit out of luck?

"I can't believe this is happening," I say, holding her close. As upset as I am, my heart hurts for her more. Reagan has always worn her emotions on her sleeve and when something upsets her, she goes from 0 to 100 very quickly. We watch people going in and out of the building, shoes and ends of pants soaked, with no news of what's happening.

"Did you find anything out?" Richard's voice appears behind me and I let go of Reagan to turn towards him. He hands me a coffee and I just shake my head, taking the warm comfort.

"Apparently the pipes burst and it's flooding all the apartments." I take a small sip and it tastes great but I don't think there's anything that is going to make me feel better right now. I start rubbing my temples, remember Richard's kind gesture.

"Thanks for the coffee."

"It's the least I can do," he starts, drinking his own coffee and watching many workers entering and exiting the building with heavy tools, "Isn't your apartment on the top floor?"

"Yeah. I wonder if we'll be able to see what the damage is." We live on the fourth floor of the four storied building and that's the only thing that is giving me a shining light of hope when it comes to our belongings. As much as it would suck to replace everything, I'm more worried about having a place to live. It's bringing back harsh memories and my anxiety is through the roof but I'm trying to hold it together for Reagan. It's at this time that someone with a business suit stands on the steps of the building, addressing the crowd loudly.

"We're still assessing the damage to the building. We've shut off power to the whole building so that we can let people go into their apartments for about 15 minutes to gather anything they need immediately or anything valuable starting with the fourth floor apartments. Please be mindful of the water running down between the floors." Reagan looks up to me and I sigh, nodding at her and turning back towards Richard.

"Can you wait here?" I ask him. He takes my coffee out of my hand and nods.

"Of course. Let me know if you need any help," he replies, smiling at me. It eases my frustration slightly and I'm so grateful that he's willing to stick around. Reagan and I make our way through the front door and so far, only the stairs seem slick but that could be from the many boots and shoes going up and down the stairs within the last hour.

We get up to our floor and immediately, the ground is soaked with water running down the stairs at a firm pace. It's not Titanic amounts of water but my shoes are probably going to be ruined by the time we're done. At this thought, my head goes to an idea.

"I'm going to take my shoes off," I tell Reagan, unlacing my Chucks and holding them between my fingers while I take my socks off and stuff them down in. Then I'm mindful of the pants I have on and I roll up the ends so they won't get too wet.

"What if this is sewage water?" I hadn't really thought of that but I just shake my head.

"If it were sewage, it would smell a hell of a lot worse. Besides, it's easier to clean my feet than my shoes." She reluctantly agrees, taking her shoes off as well. The ends of Richard's pants start getting soaked anyways and as annoyed as I am, I pull out my keys to our front door and open it, expecting the worse. Reagan is saying some silent prayers behind me as the door wooshes open.

At first glance, everything seems okay. The carpet in the living room is completely soaked and to the right, the kitchen tile is very apparently slick, our kitchen sink completely filled with water. God, what a shit show.

"I'm gonna go pack up whatever I can get into a couple of suitcases," Reagan announces, heading towards her room. I pull my large suitcase out of the hall closet, haphazardly throwing  a couple of pairs of shoes in before I actually pack things neatly once I get to my room.

The water hasn't reached my room yet but looking around, besides my furniture, there's nothing touching the ground that will really be ruined. I snatch my comforter off my bed and fold it up sloppily, stuffing it on the top shelf of my closet. I start with my dresser, pulling out the essentials: underwear, bras, tank tops, socks, and jeans. Then I go to my closet, pulling out my casual tees, work shirts, and a couple of dresses. It looks like I'm going to have to recycle some outfits for work.

I can't take my entire wardrobe but I've taken damn near close. It takes up my entire large suitcase so I pull out the smaller one from my closet and start packing some things that I don't want to leave behind; photo albums, photo frames, my CD collection, and some other knick knacks. As I head towards the bathroom, there's a loud knock on our door.

"You have five minutes before we need to let the next floor in," I hear a loud, boisterous voice say from the outside. Reagan comes out, bringing a suitcase and a couple of backpacks full of things.

"I think that's about everything. I just need to grab some stuff from the bathroom. Where are we going to go?" she asks me, still very upset by the situation at hand. We walk into the bathroom, starting to grab our toiletries.

"I'm not sure what the laws are here. In the states, I think it's required that the owners put you in a motel or something in the meantime but I don't know what's going to happen. I guess we'll need to see what's around." I grab my makeup bag, throwing in my toothbrush and call myself done.

"I think that's about all I can take." I wheel my large suitcase with my smaller one balanced on it and head towards the front door. Reagan grabs all her things and follows me, locking the door behind us. Our neighbors head down the stairs at the same time and everyone looks completely disheveled. I feel so bad for everyone that was home when all this was happening. Getting back outside, I find Richard in the crowd and he's still holding my coffee.

"Did everything go okay?" He takes my smaller suitcase and I just sigh, trying to push my hair out of my face.

"I got the important things, I think," I reply. Reagan sets her bags down on the sidewalk, looking like she's about to collapse alongside of them. She must have weighed them down pretty heavily, leaving nothing behind.

"Do you know if there are any hotels around here, Richard?" she asks, out of breath.

"You're going to a hotel?" He looks surprised but what else would we do?

"That's really our only choice right now. It's not like we can live here right now," I reply, motioning towards the building. More and more workers have shown up while tenants funnel in and out of the building. I put my cool hand against my forehead, trying to cool down the impending headache.

"Stay with us," Richard announces. Once again, it's not a question. It's always a command with him. He exudes confidence.

"What? Are you serious?" I ask, my jaw almost falling to the ground. It's really nice of him to offer but he has other people living in the house to consider.

"Of course. You wouldn't have to worry about paying a large hotel bill and I'm sure Paul and Christoph would be fine with you taking over the extra bedroom. There were two extra bedrooms but Ollie took over the one while he's here so as long as you two don't mind sharing a bedroom, you're more than welcome to stay with us." Reagan jumps at the chance to be in the same house as Ollie but she looks at me like I'm the deciding factor.

I think it over for a minute and it sounds like a good idea. We would both drain our bank accounts trying to pay for a hotel and it sounds like they wouldn't charge us for rent or anything. Maybe I can buy them some groceries and cook them dinner or something to make it up to them. Also, it would be nice to be around Richard a little more since he's been gone for awhile.

"As long as the others are okay with it, we'd really appreciate the hospitality," I finally say, giving him a shrug and a smile. He looks so happy that I accepted his offer, a dramatic shift from how he was last night.

"I'll give them a call. Here's my keys. I'll help you with your stuff when I'm done talking to them." He starts dialing on his cellphone and I take his keys, motioning Reagan to follow me. He didn't park too far away but Reagan is huffing and puffing as she's dragging her stuff. I unlock the trunk and start putting my things in.

"I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders," Reagan says, putting her backpacks in the trunk next to my things.

"I know you're excited but are you sure this is a good idea?" My doubt is starting to set in. As much as I would love to be around my friends, after last night, I'm not sure if Richard and I would get along in a setting where we're together quite a bit. I know he apologized and I'm wanting to move on from it but I'm afraid of ruining our relationship but I know that being around him makes me happy.

"What other choice do we have?" she shrugs, slamming the trunk down. Richard heads towards us, looking very pleased.

"As I thought, they are perfectly fine with you two staying with us." Reagan climbs into the back seat and before I get back into the car, Richard grabs my hand.

"Are you okay? I don't want to make anything uncomfortable for you."

"No, it'll be great. I really appreciate this, Richard. I hope you know that." I lean into him, wrapping my arms around him. He does the same, holding me close and brushing his fingertips across the little bit of skin that's showing from the bottom of my tank top rising up.

"Of course. I think you're going to be mad at me though," he says into the top of my head.

"Why?" I look up towards him, worried.

"Your coffee got cold so I threw it away."

I just laugh, giving him a small kiss on the cheek before getting into the front seat. That's the least of my problems for today.

 

* * *

 

Richard helps Reagan with her bags and as soon as I set my suitcases down, Paul comes into the living room with a sympathetic look on his face. Schneider follows behind, same look plastered on his face.

"Aww," he starts, squeezing my shoulder before he opens his arms completely. I hug him and rest my forehead on his shoulder, "I'm sorry about your apartment, sweetheart. But hey, now you get us as roommates!" I smile into his shoulder and nod. He gives me a few compassionate back rubs before I walk over to the couch and collapse. Richard comes back in with Reagan, all her bags in front of the door. He walks over and hangs over the back of the couch, his mouth practically in my ear.

"I have to go run a couple of errands but I'll be back later." He didn't say anything super crazy but his words send a shiver down my spine, probably because of the proximity of his lips to my neck. I just nod and he smiles and gets up, heading towards the door. Reagan huffs again, breaking me out of whatever trance I'm in.

"I'm bringing this upstairs and going the fuck to sleep. This day has sucked." I just nod again and watch her lug everything upstairs, not even bothering trying to make two trips. Schneider appears behind me suddenly.

"You want to come outside with me?" Once again, I just nod. Today has been very draining and I just don't have many words. I get up from the couch and follow him out to the very same lounge chairs that I occupied with Richard this morning. I lay down, blocking out the sun with my hand while Christoph sits up, lighting up a cigarette.

"Sorry to hear about what happened to your apartment. What does the damage look like?"

"We're on the top floor so our floors were soaked but the power's off, everything below us looked drenched. I'm not sure when we're going to be able to move back in." I'm so ready to not think about my apartment and also so ready to know when we'll be able to go home.

"You're welcome here as long as you need," he starts, blowing out a large gust of smoke, "You never need to worry about not having a place to go. You always have a home here."

"Thank you so much, Schneider. I know Richard just sprung this on everyone very quickly but I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. I'll never be able to express how indebted I am to you guys." I start going through my mind about ways I can pay these wonderful gentleman back. Maybe I should cook them dinner tonight or something?

"Please, Mia. You aren't indebted to us. You don't owe us anything. I'm glad Richard called us. Speaking of him, I'm assuming you brought him out of his bad mood?" I let out a sigh, knowing that Schneider would want to talk about last night.

"I think so. He said he wasn't mad at me which made me feel good but I knew that he didn't have a real reason to be angry with me in the first place."

"So he was angry with me then," he says, chuckling.

"I guess but I really don't think he was mad at us," I start, readjusting in my chair. I start remembering the things Richard said last night and maybe getting an outside perspective will help me. "It's going to sound so silly but before you guys came back into the kitchen last night, he asked me if I was in love with you." He gives me an incredulous look, smirking as he puts out his cigarette.

"Is this when you profess your undying love to me?"

"You wish. But no, it just sounds so silly. And why would he care about that anyways?" I try laughing it off but Schneider looks serious and I have a feeling of what he's going to say. It's what Reagan says all the time.

"Because he's in love with you, Mia." How did I know?

"He is not." I respond briskly. Even after hearing this from someone close to him, I still don't want to believe it.

"He is. You must be very blind if you haven't noticed." God, he and Reagan sound exactly the same, except Schneider seems very diplomatic about the situation whereas Reagan always go towards the dramatic response.

"How can he be in love with me? You guys are fucking rock stars. I'm sure you get the pick of the litter when it comes to females. I'm just some average American girl. I'm not exotic or some super model or anything. I'm just me." I'm not usually so down on myself but it was true. I don't overhype myself and I lay everything down exactly the way it is.

"Maybe that's why he loves you."

"Has he said this to you?"

"He hasn't said the words directly but I've known Richard for a long time and I know when he's passionate about something." Silence sets in and the one thing that really is on my mind finally comes out.

"He's still married." Schneider sighs, trying to think of the words to say.

"From what he's said, it sounds like they've been separated for months. She was nice enough the few times I met her but she was always trying to change him when there's nothing wrong with him. It sounds like you're the one coming up with excuses." Richard never really talked specifics but I knew it had been awhile since they were actually together, even though they were still legally married. It does bother me but I've always believed him when he's said that the relationship is over. I feel provoked and I immediately go on the defense.

"I think they're valid reasons."

"I think you're afraid," he retorts, very matter of factly.

"What would I be afraid of?" My defense is always to toughen up and look stronger than I actually am.

"Because I think that you love him too."

"I..." My mouth closes and I don't know what to say. I sit up on the end of the lounge chair and rest my head on hand.

"I don't need to hear more excuses, Mia. I've seen the way you look at him too. I don't know what you tell yourself in that pretty little head of yours but you two need to stop fighting each other. Well, at least I think you're fighting him." My friend knows me too well. That strength wall comes crumbling down as I hear him already saying the words that go through my head. My head falls to the floor and I don't want to look at him just yet.

"I'm afraid of him, Christoph." Schneider puts his hand on my shoulder and I move my hand up to it, holding onto it. It's oddly soothing, even at the most simple gesture.

"I can't help you there. I think you have to figure that one out but if you need to talk about it, I'm always here to listen." When I look up at him, he smiles. With anyone else, I'd feel this would be a pity smile, feeling sorry for me but not really caring about the outcome but not Christoph. He cares deeply for me and as much as I love Reagan, sometimes I need his sentimental touch.

"When I saw the hurt in his eyes last night, it about killed me but I'm afraid that he's going to chew me up and spit me back out. I couldn't handle that. I know that I love him as my friend and I feel so close to him but going further than that terrifies me." Schneider shifts from his chair to mine, much like Richard did this morning. Oh god, I hope Richard doesn't come back early and hear us talking.

"At least you don't have to worry about him rejecting you. The way he pines after you should put you at ease," he says, putting his arm around my shoulder.

"It really doesn't. I know it should but I'm still fucking scared. I sat in bed last night thinking about him and how hurt he was last night when we were just joking around. Is he always so possessive?"

He shakes his head. "I wouldn't call it possessiveness. He's just very passionate about what he wants and I can admire that about him. I do think he got a little too mad about something that was a joke but I can't be mad at him for that. He's probably feeling just as confused as you are and lashed out in the wrong way." I nod in agreement. I've seen Richard frustrated but never angry. I guess that's the best way to describe last night.

"I guess we'll see what happens. I'm not going to force anything and I'm going to just let things go the way they flow." He chuckles and I look up at him, wondering why he's laughing at such a serious topic.

"That was very poetic, Mia. Maybe you should date Till." I've only met Till a handful of times and while he's very nice, I don't think our personalities would ever mesh like that.

"Oh god, Till would break me in half, in every single way imaginable." Schneider laughs so hard that he almost falls off the chair. Paul comes out of the house and waves at us before crossing the small path towards where we're sitting.

"What are you two giggling about?" he asks, looking very skeptical.

"Mia being torn in half," Schneider replies, almost too quickly. I glance over at him, shooting him with a very harsh glare before breaking it and laughing.

"That sounds horrible. I thought you may be talking about how Richard is in love with Mia." My look immediately falls on Paul, my mouth falling open. When I look back at Schneider, he gives a look to Paul that makes me think there's more to this situation that I don't know about.

"Jesus, does everyone talk about this when I'm not around?" I exclaim, hiding my face in my hands. I appreciate the fact that they care but this is getting out of hand. It almost feels like I'm the butt of a joke and an uneasy feeling comes across my stomach. It almost feels like vomit but it has to just be my anxiety.

"Only a little. And only because we care about you," Paul replies, busting out his own pack of cigarettes. He offers me one but I decline. The last thing I need to do is take up smoking again and these guys make it very hard not to partake.

"I adore both of you but I think that everyone needs to back off a little so that I can navigate this without outside influence. I really don't know what to do and I think I need some time to figure it out. Maybe I need to talk to Richard about this." God, isn't that a scary thought. I stand up and give Paul the same shoulder squeeze he gave me when I came back. As I start walking back towards the house, Paul shouts something behind me.

"Okay Mia. That is fair but we have already taken bets." I just roll my eyes and pretend that I didn't hear that.   


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's try a new perspective...

_A month flies by living with the guys and they've been nothing but kind and gracious hosts. Reagan is usually asleep most of the day since she waitresses during the night and when she's off, we're always hanging out, drinking with Paul, watching movies with Schneider, or I just hang out with Richard in his room while he writes in his notebook. My days have mostly consisted of going to work and then being home with them. Richard and I have spent a lot of time alone and we've grown even closer than we were before. He's told me about his childhood and the days before Rammstein and I've delved into my time in the states before moving to Berlin._

_My feelings for him have definitely grown and I've let them out in tiny amounts over time. I think I've partially blamed Schneider for this after the talk we had. We've cuddled up to each other while alone on the couch and I think I've lost count of how many times I've fallen asleep in his bed while he writes or plays guitar. He ends up falling asleep right next to me and I wake up covered with a blanket. Reagan really loves not having to share a bed and I feel like I've slept better in Richard's bed anyways. Neither of us have made a bigger move and part of me has wanted him to do it but I'm getting a little impatient with that. So much for letting things flow._

 

* * *

 

"We're going out tonight! We've spent too many nights here and I'm starting to get cabin fever!" Richard and I look to Paul as he so rudely steps in front of the TV we're watching a movie on. Richard looks over to me and I just shrug.

"Okay. Where do you want to go?" I ask, grabbing the remote and pausing the movie.

"Let's just go to the bar. There's one that's fifteen minutes away. Nothing crazy, just some old fashioned drinking," he answers. Schneider comes in, looking like he's ready to go out. I look over at Reesh and it's his turn to shrug in acceptance.

"Okay, Paul. Let me change and get ready." Richard gets off the couch, offering his hand to help me up and we head upstairs. My stuff is still in the guest bedroom but I've spent so much time in Richard's room that some of my things have miraculously moved across the hall. As I'm changing into a simple 'going out' outfit, I notice that my favorite cardigan is nowhere to be found. I walk over and notice Richard's door is cracked and since I've made myself so at home in his room already, I automatically just open it with Richard standing there shirtless.

I've seen shirtless guys plenty of times in my life. I've even seen Richard shirtless before when we've hung out by the pool but there's something about catching a glimpse at Richard's body right now that makes my heart race a little faster. My perspective on him has changed so much since living here. My mouth drops a little and I suddenly have to pretend that the sight didn't just hit me hard.

"What's wrong?" he asks, pulling a black t-shirt over his head and running a hand through his hair. He usually has it spiked to the sky but he doesn't really have time to do anything with it due to the last minute shift in plans. I like it spiky but even when it's down and in disarray, he still looks stunning.

"Nothing. Umm, have you seen my black cardigan?" He looks at me like I'm speaking a language he doesn't understand and he laughs.

"Black, longsleeved? I wear it all the time?" I elaborate. He just laughs again and takes a quick look around the room.

"Oh! No, I haven't seen it around but here," he starts, going over to the small closet next to his bed. He pulls out a black hoodie, "Will this work?"

He hands it to me and I nod, Richard unzipping it and helping me into it. It smells of cigarette smoke and whatever cologne or body spray he wears almost every day. He grabs his wallet and keys and we walk downstairs together, my body shielded against the Autumn weather outside.

"Are you driving?" I ask, walking down the stairs first.

"I think it's my turn to be the designated driver," he replies. When we get down to the living room, we're alone again. I wonder where the other boys have scurried off to.

"So that means I can get really drunk tonight and I won't have to worry about getting home safely?" I smile at him and he laughs at me before walking towards the coat closet. Maybe my cardigan ended up in there?

"You'll never have to worry with me," he starts, pulling out his jacket and sliding it on, "I'll make sure you get to my bed safely."

My eyes go wide and I start chuckling nervously. "Oh your bed? That's pretty presumptuous of you, Richard."

"It isn't when you've slept there most nights since you've lived here." He comes over to me, standing close enough that we're practically sharing the same breath.

"I can't help where I fall asleep and you don't seem to mind me lying next to you."

"I've slept better since you've come along." He lowers his face very close to mine and as soon as our lips are about to touch for the first time, Paul and Schneider come back in, Paul yelling like a banshee. I back away, smiling at my friends' return and pretending like they interrupted nothing. Richard rests his hand on the small of my back as he opens the door and we walk towards his car.

"Come on! Let's go!" Paul wails.

 

* * *

 

Paul gave Richard directions to a bar I had never even heard of. I was so use to my little area of Berlin that living on the other side of it is a new adventure. It's a little run down but it's incredibly busy for a Friday night. It sucks that Reagan had to work but I'm happy to spend more time with my friends and get out of the house. Paul was slightly correct; I think we all were getting a little too comfortable staying in.

We grab a table towards the back, away from everyone else. I don't think they want to be recognized tonight. Paul is really antsy, ready to get a few drinks into him. Richard sits down next to me, not drinking. Paul orders me a beer and I gulp it down pretty quickly. Quickly enough that I get a good buzz going.

"I was going to go crazy in that house! Sometimes, I really hate when we aren't touring and being kept constantly busy," Paul says, already starting to chug his second beer. Schneider is still nursing one and Richard is just sitting back, listening to everyone's conversation.

"What are you guys going to do next?" I ask.

"We're taking a break for the next two months and then we'll get together to figure out if we want to start writing the next album or if we want to take a longer break," Schneider answers. Silence falls after that and I'm thinking that they don't want to talk about work, something I totally understand. My job is so boring compared to theirs.

"How is work, Mia?" I perk up, Richard looking at me and smiling and Schneider hopeful at the subject change. I guess the focus is shifting towards me and I really don't like it.

"It's good. It's the same thing every day so it can get a little tedious. It's also not as much work as I thought it would be." I finish my first drink and Paul immediately orders another one for me. It feels like there's no time in between the two. I was only joking about getting drunk tonight but it seems like Paul wants a hardcore drinking buddy.

"Consider yourself lucky. You could be traveling around the world six months out of the year," Paul retorts, very sloshed. I laugh in disbelief at his logic.

"Really? You think that being stuck in an office is better than performing your songs in front of thousands of adoring people, all the while seeing and experiencing different parts of the world?" Richard laughs, as if he's agreeing with my line of thinking. Paul gets a little embarrassed at my response.

"Well, when you say it like that.." Schneider says, taking another sip.

We go on talking, ordering more drinks and getting some bar food to soak up the alcohol, although Paul doesn't partake and keeps ingesting alcohol. He's knocking them back faster than anyone can keep up. Under the table, Richard lays his hand on my knee and slowly starts rubbing gently with his fingertips. When I look over at him, all he does is smile, moving his hand slowly up my thigh. He's really picking here to start making a move on me?

I excuse myself to the bathroom hastily and make my way towards the back hallway and fall into the ladies' room. Luckily, it's a private bathroom so I don't have to worry about any bar patrons coming in and disturbing me. I start pacing back and forth, biting at my thumb nail, losing my mind deep in thoughts of Richard.

I wanted him to make a move. I didn't want to do it because I need to know if he has the same feelings as me and that this wasn't just one sided. I've made this so complicated when I could easily be the one to just grab him by the neck and clash into him hard but my stupid mind and my equally stupid heart have taken over my primal urges.

I brace myself against the cold sink, my head hanging low and my eyes closed. Why did I pull away from him at the house? We could have just gotten this awkwardness out of the way and tonight, we probably would have been all over each other. Oh shit, we would have been all over each other... That would be way too soon. I mean, I know we've known each other for awhile and my carnal desires, by this point, are thinly veiled but we can't just jump into that so quickly. Can we? Why did I pull away from him in the first place?

Turning on the faucet, I gather some of the cold water in my hands and splash it gently against my warm face. When I look at myself in the mirror, I give myself a mental pep talk, my eyes burning in the reflection.

_"You want this. He wants you. He was rubbing your thigh just a moment ago, for God's sake. Stop being such a fucking pussy."_

And with that, I wipe the water remnants off my face and head out the door. As I walk around the corner, Richard is waiting (I'm assuming) for me by the men's room.

"Hey," I say, the first thing on my mind just spilling out.

All he does is smile and he starts closing the distance between us. His body reaches mine and starts backing me up against the wall. With each of his hands at my sides and planted firmly against the wall behind me, he has me pinned down and I'm trapped. Nothing that I could try to do would be able to break out of his clutches but why would I want to break away anyways? The hallway is dark and the bar is loud but in this moment, we're in our own little world; one where we are the only two to exist.

I bite down on my lip nervously as he continues to stare hard into my eyes. He looks down at my lips and just when I think he's going to kiss me, he moves his head towards the crane of my neck. My breathing gets heavy and very audible as I turn my head and allow him access to my weakest point. I hear him inhale lightly and he grazes his lips against my skin, sending a shiver through my entire body as I feel the point of his nose touching my jawline as his face comes back to mine. I move my hands up his chest to steady myself and to finally feel him underneath my fingertips. My knees are weak and I feel like I could pass out at any moment but with his arms planted, I'm not going anywhere.

When I reach his pecs, my fingers grasp his shirt, pulling him down to me. His eyes burn intensely and he takes this as a sign of war, moving one of his hands to the back of my neck, grabbing some of my hair and pulling me into our first kiss.

His lips are so fucking soft but we kiss hard. Nothing sloppy or half-assed but something intense and passionate. My whole body goes weak, loving how Richard wants to take control of me and the situation at hand. After a few seconds, I open my mouth as an invitation for him to explore deeper and he responds by moving his hands to my waist and holding onto me firmly, his tongue doing dances with my own.

My hands move up to his shoulders, holding on as he wraps his arms fully around me. I know it's only been a matter of seconds but with him, it feels like an eternity and not in a bad way. He finally lets my mouth go and rests his forehead against mine, both of us panting and trying to get some air. He lets me go and we don't say a word, mostly because he's stolen my words with that kiss. Luckily, everything we need to say to each other doesn't need words. It's all said in our gaze and he looks like he's ready to take a bite out of me. It's at this moment, a couple of blondes come over, their squealing grabbing our attention.

"Oh my god! You're from Rammstein! Can you sign this?!" They say in unison. When I look over at Richard, he looks flustered but smiles politely glancing over at me before taking a pen from them. They have some very flirty looks on their face, probably hoping to fuck a rock star. I can't lie and say that this doesn't infuriate me a little. As he's signing things and they're trying to hang all over him, I walk back to the table, a little peeved but trying to let it go. Schneider has Paul propped up against him, Paul looking not so good.

"What happened to him?" I ask. Schneider looks like he's really struggling to hold him up by himself but as I try to help him, Schneider shoos me away with his hand.

"He's a lightweight. He knocked back a couple of shots while you were in the restroom. Where's Richard?" he asks. I get a little flustered at the question but then remember that we were alone and he wouldn't know about what had happened. I need to play it off as cool as I can.

"He ran into some fans. I think he was signing some things for him." Then I remembered the blonde bimbos who were trying to be all over Richard. I'm definitely feeling the jealously but I'm trying to remind myself that I know that comes with his career choice. Besides, he's not mine to rule over. All we've done is kissed and that happened literally seconds ago. He didn't look to be interested in them and was trying to be polite but their intentions were very clear. I mean, how could he want that after what just happened between us?

Richard walks back over and looks at me, looking like he wants to say something but stops when he notices Schneider trying to hold Paul up. He immediately goes over and helps prop him up, Schneider looking incredibly relieved while Paul looks like he's about to pass out.

"We should probably get him home," I say, grabbing my bag and putting Richard's hoodie back on. Richard looks at me and his mouth opens but I start walking towards the exit while they follow behind. They manage to load Paul into the back seat, Richard propping him against Schneider, who does not look to happy at his current predicament. I climb into the front seat and Richard drives towards home. I just stare out the window, shifting my body as close to the door as I can while trying to focus on the kiss and not on the groupies. Still, I'm not ready to talk to him.

At this point, Paul is passed out and his very good friends carry him into the house and carry him off towards his bedroom. As they struggle to bring him upstairs behind me, I say my goodnights as quickly as I can and head towards the guest bedroom. I think I need a break from sleeping in Richard's bed so I can get my thoughts together before we talk. I fall on the bed, remembering that Reagan would be showing up between 4 and 5 in the morning and scooching over to my side to make room for her. My thoughts spin before I eventually fall asleep, clutching hard at Richard's hoodie.

 

* * *

 

_When I climb the stairs, I see the door to Mia's bedroom is closed and I dare not enter. If she wanted to talk, she would have came to my room. She would be in my bed, whether that's for talking or for more of what happened earlier. I hope she felt the same intensity that I felt because goddamn, that kiss was incredible. All it took was me going to New York and thinking about her and constantly missing her to finally see that I'm incredibly attracted to her._

_I sit down on my bed and start looking around my room, taking notice of Mia's things and eventually spotting the black cardigan she was asking for on the floor of her side of my bed, buried under some other clothes. She's spent almost every night in here with me and it'll be strange that she won't be in here tonight. Not having her presence near me is noticeable already. I was nervous but I felt like rubbing her leg under the table was the only way to get things started. I was so ready to kiss her before we left the house but she pulled away again. Maybe she doesn't like to do things like that unless there's privacy, which I can respect. Maybe I'll be the person to break her out of her shell a little bit. Damn it, Paul. I feel like you cockblocked me, in every sense of the word._

_I grab my notebook and start jotting things down, writing everything that comes to my head. My thoughts all circle back to Mia and these feelings that are starting coming out of me. I didn't think I could have these feelings again after my marriage failed horribly. I'm getting to the point where I would do anything for her, as long as she'll let me be the one in her heart. God, I'm starting to sound like a terrible pop song._


	5. Chapter 5

"But Mia! It's Halloween! We HAVE to go out tonight and this is the perfect opportunity!"

Reagan is crooning way too loudly for my liking and my head is pounding. I tossed and turned throughout the night, waking up periodically but I was pretty much up and at 'em once Reagan got home. As soon as she got a nap in, she just had to tell me about some Halloween party that's at the nightclub she works at, with a special VIP area for the employees who show up.

"I haven't celebrated Halloween in years, nor have I dressed up for it. I'm pretty sure this is just an excuse for you to get trashed in a slutty outfit on your night off," I respond, placing the back of my cool hand against my semi warm forehead. I don't get real hangovers but I always wake up burning hot after drinking the night before, almost like my body is trying to sweat out the regret of the night before. I glance at the digital clock on the nightstand and it's already 11am. I really should get out of bed but my body feels anchored to the bed.

"That's part of it. Another part is that I really don't want to go alone. Please go with me?" She pouts, her lips going into a frown and her eyes giving me that hopeless puppy dog look. She's always asking me to do these kinds of things, to the point that I'm starting to feel that she's taking advantage of my generosity.

"Why don't you ask Ollie to go with you? It could be a date night," I ask, moving the hand from my forehead over my eyes, trying to block my view of her pleading. No wonder she makes so much in tips. I almost feel bad for the customers that cross her path.

"He doesn't seem like a party kind of guy. Plus, we've been cooling off lately," she answers, shrugging. I thought she really liked him? They spend quite a bit of time together to be "cooling off" but she's probably reading way too much into it.

"I don't even have anything to wear," I offer up as a last line of defense. It's the truth but I also really don't want to go. Something tells me that I'm going to get suckered into it, as usual. Reagan gets up and starts searching through one of her suitcases. All of the sudden, she shrieks in excitement and I nearly have a heart attack.

"You have heels, right?!"

"I have my black ones for work. Why?" I ask, very cautiously. My stomach is uneasy at where this is going. She pulls out what looks like a plaid skirt and my mind melds with hers.

"A pair of thigh-highs, your heels and this shirt and you can be a naughty school girl!" She holds the skirt and what looks like a white tank top and I just stare, sighing.

"You're really pushing this slutty thing, aren't you?" She already let me know that she purchased a very revealing nurse outfit. I'm going to be a walking American cliché.

"You'll look so good! Please, Mia? For me?" She holds her hands in a prayer stance with the clothes she picked out for me still in her hands, going down to her knees beside the bed and begging. I roll my eyes and sigh loudly, nodding my head in agreement. She shoots up and falls on top of me, screeching bloody murder.

"Thank you so much! All the guys are going to want to take you home tonight! You'll be their walking fantasy!" Great. That's exactly what I'm looking for. I don't want the attention of other guys. I finally think of Richard, still just across the hall. Or is he even still here? I haven't heard his door open or close since I've been awake. I'm starting to feel some guilt about running away from him last night but I knew I needed to figure out what my thoughts were before I talk to him again. I'm definitely not as upset as I was last night but I'm still a little bothered. I guess I was hoping he would come to me, offering his comfort, but maybe that was too high of an expectation.

To escape her excitement, I get out of bed and start gathering up some clothes and my toiletries to go and shower. Reagan is still so happy and I guess I'm somewhat happy too, despite other things going on. Once I shut our bedroom door behind me, I stare at Richard's door. When I walk over, my hand goes to knock but pauses. I don't hear any noises going on so I drop my hand back to my side, walking downstairs towards the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

I'm staring at myself in the mirror and I don't recognize myself at all. Reagan has been working on putting my hair in pigtails, teasing them slightly to make them appear slightly bigger. I already did my makeup but apparently, it wasn't enough because Reagan came in and put on a couple more layers. If my parents could see me now..

"Okay! I think you're ready!" She steps out of the way and I take a step back to take in the entire outfit. The skirt is incredibly short and I'll be struggling all night to keep it from riding up, the thigh highs aren't the normal black that I'm use to but a pearl white, the tank top falls short and shows off more midriff than I'm use to, and the heels completes my chaotic ensemble, ensuring that my feet will being killing me tomorrow. Reagan is already looking like a stripper nurse and very happy with herself. As far as my outfit goes, it's definitely out of my comfort zone but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling just a little bit sexy.

We walk downstairs and Schneider and Paul are on the couch, arguing over something when both of their jaws drop as they lay their eyes on us. They aren't even looking in Reagan's direction, whom I thought had the way more shocking outfit.

"Holy shit," Paul says, trying to keep my eye line.

"I have no words," Schneider chimes in a few seconds later, looking away. I start laughing as I pull on my coat.

"I didn't have a costume and it's apparently mandatory," I shrug, buttoning up. At least my coat is long enough that people won't see what's underneath until I decide to take it off. Reagan goes outside and waits for the cab while I hang out inside with my obviously uncomfortable friends. When I walk over and sit down next to them, I notice they won't look towards me as we chit-chat.

"What is your problem? You've had to have seen way less on women at your concerts," I finally say, trying to break the awkwardness.

"We're not personally friends with those women and they aren't living with us," Schneider says, chuckling as he finally looks over at me. I guess the coat gave him the comfort to finally make eye contact with me and I playfully glare at him.

"Richard would go insane if he saw you," Paul exclaims, getting up from the couch and heading towards the kitchen. I totally forgot about him in the midst of all my unease.

"Is he here?"

"No, he went out earlier. He said he'd be back later tonight," Paul says from the kitchen as I hear the refrigerator opening up. I still haven't talked to him since the bar last night and I hid out in my room most of the day, not hearing him leave. I wonder where he is that has him out so late but I shut that train of thought down almost instantly. I hate any kind of confrontation but I know I'm going to have to go to him eventually, even if were to lead to an argument or not. Reagan opens the door and yells that the taxi is outside. I say a quick goodbye to my friends and head out for a night of the unknown.

 

* * *

 

The nightclub is packed tonight and the owners were gracious enough to let their employees inhabit one of the VIP section if they weren't working. How Mia didn't end up working tonight, I'll never know. She's never the one to pass up tips of this amount but maybe she really needed the night off. She does seem a little rundown.

The crowd is loving the techno music playing and the drinks being downed as I watch writhing bodies grinding on each other in crazy costumes. Reagan takes my hand and leads me to the VIP section and I recognize some of the employees I've ran into before but don't really remember their names. She grabs us a couple of drinks from an arrangement table and they're about 80% alcohol, 20% whatever cocktail juice was thrown in them. I chug down the first one and immediately start feeling the effects. I guess the buzz from last night was still lingering because it doesn't normally happen this fast.

"I'm gonna go say hi to the bartender! I'll be right back!" She tries to yell over the loud music. I just nod, even though I really only heard that she was leaving me. She always does this and it makes me anxious, considering she's the only one I know here. I manage to grab a seat on one of the couches as a group of girls head off towards the dance floor and I manage to snag another drink along the way. Drinking will make the anxiousness go away.

As much as I hate being alone, I'm enjoying the scene as much as I can. The music is loud but the synths and drumbeats are making me bop my head and foot along. It's also very fun to people watch, seeing everyone just dancing their hearts out, mostly in couples. I feel that pang of sadness and feel like I should be at home, hanging out in Richard's bed. I'd probably be reading one of his guitar magazines while he writes in his notebook, occasionally stealing glances at each other. The thought brings a smile to my face.

As I'm watching one area of the club absentmindedly, I feel the couch shift next to me. A guy with snakebite piercings and longish brown hair sits down next to me, way too close for comfort and my stranger danger alarm starts going off. I try to scan the crowd for Reagan as I shift away from the guy but can't find her slutty outfit among all the other costumed attendees.

"Hallo. Do you work here?" Snakebites yells towards me.

"No. My roommate does," I yell back, smiling politely. Snakebites crosses his legs and shifts his body closer to mine. This guy is getting into my personal bubble and I'm starting to get annoyed but I try to remain polite.

"It's a shame. You're prettier than most of the waitresses here," he says, taking a drink of his beer immediately after. I want to roll my eyes but getting into an altercation with some random guy in a school girl outfit on Halloween night isn't high on my list tonight.

"Who do you know here?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

"The owner," he replies, simply. It's almost like he's trying to impress me with that but it's not working. Reagan finally comes back, two drinks in her hands. She shoves one of them into my hand and I immediately start sipping it, hoping that the liquor will improve the situation and give me a reason not to talk to Snakebites. When do guys at bars this close give up when a girl stops talking?

"Hey Lukas!" Reagan shouts, giving a polite hug to Snakebites, "I see you've met my roommate Mia!" Thanks Reagan, I really didn't want to give my name out. Snakebites, or Lukas rather, smiles towards me.

"So this was the beautiful girl you were telling me about," he says, grinning towards me. All I can do is smile back, trying to be nice but feeling a little uncomfortable. I finish off my third drink and feel incredibly buzzed. For awhile, Reagan and Lukas chat and I interject when I'm brought in but eventually, Reagan disappears again after seeing one of her model friends she knows. Why did I come tonight? She always ends up leaving me by myself. It's not like I always need to be around people but tonight is so crazy that it certainly doesn't help. I take this as an opportunity to hit up the drink table again, trying to gain some liquid encouragement. I never drink this much but I'm so out of my element. When I turn around, Lukas shows up right behind me.

"I could buy you something a little nicer than that," he says, pointing to my plastic cup.

"No, thank you. This is fine for me," I reply, starting to slowly sway in place as the beat picks up. At this point, the alcohol is hitting hard and it's made me a little more comfortable and a little more aware of my surroundings.

"You seem a little tense, Mia. Maybe we should go somewhere a little quieter. I'd love to get to know you a little better." He moves in extremely close to me, wrapping an arm around my waist very possessively and breaking through my comfort zone disturbingly. As much as I love a dominant man, what I really don't like is a dominant stranger who gets too handsy. I don't know this guy from a fucking hole in the wall and I really don't like the way he's coming at me. I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

"I have a boyfriend." He steps off only slightly, still having a strong arm around me.

"Well, I won't tell if you won't," he tries to say seductively. I scoff, shoving his arm off of me and immediately head out of the VIP section. What am I even doing here? Why did I even come here tonight?  My head is spinning and all I can do is think about Richard. He's not my boyfriend but the fact that it was him I thought of when I told that jerk-off I had a boyfriend has been very telling. I should be back at the house with him, talking to him, doing so many other things with him. Somehow, my feet take me out of the club and has me standing by the curb, hailing a taxi. My mind is foggy but my body seems to know what it wants.

 

* * *

 

It's been an incredibly hard day of dealing with legal issues and when I arrive back home, Paul and Schneider are outside the front door, smoking.

"Hey Richard," Paul greets me. Schneider gives me a nod.

"How was your day?" I ask them, lingering in front of the door with my bandmates. I could use a little decompression after today, even though the feeling of being by myself sounds appealing.

"We went into town for awhile and then came home. We've been hanging out here," Schneider replies. He extinguishes his cigarette against the concrete and holds the butt in his hands.

"With the girls?" I ask, really only caring if Mia is here. As much as I wanted to be alone mere moments ago, I'm hoping Mia is inside and I can spend some time with her. She's always been really good at taking my mind off of things.

"No, they were upstairs most of the day and then left about two hours ago. There's some costume party at Reagan's work and I think she dragged Mia along," Schneider answers, leaning against the frame of the door.

"You should have seen their outfits. I could not believe how revealing American women dress on Halloween," Paul chimes in, finishing his cigarette. Schneider opens the door and we all funnel inside. Paul gives a quick goodnight before going upstairs while Schneider takes a seat on the couch. I am curious as to what Mia was wearing that had Paul talking about revealing outfits so I sit next to my friend and hope that he mentions it.

"What was Paul talking about when he mentioned their outfits?" I finally ask, trying to sound as nonchalant as I can.

"You can find out when they get home," he starts, holding his arms over his head as he stretches out, "Mia looked amazing." I take this information in and it breaks my concentration of whatever is on the television, although I wasn't paying much attention to it.

"I'm sure she did. She always does," I reply, trying to sound absentminded. When I look over at Schneider, he gives me a look of disbelief and rolls his eyes.

"You need to talk to her. This bullshit is getting tedious," he declares, shaking his head as he laughs. I'm too drained to talk about this with him and end the conversation by giving him a swift goodnight.

My heart is a little heavy as I make my way up the stairs. I really wanted to talk to Mia before I left but I assumed she was still asleep when I left this afternoon. I didn't want to force her to talk to me and I wanted to wait for her to be ready to talk but I'm over waiting. What happened at the bar was suppose to happen and as much as she may not like it, it changes everything between us.

I fall down on my bed and throw my pillow over my head, a strong headache ensuing. I don't know what I would do if Mia is there, flirting or dancing with other guys. Not even taking account of the anger I'd feel, my heart would be ground up and thrown into the dirt, stomped and buried. My mind wanders for awhile before I snap back to reality due to a knock on my door. I groan and somewhat angrily open the door to a scantily clad Mia in the door frame. She smiles and starts falling against the frame and I immediately try to catch her fall.

"Mia, are you alright?" I ask, quickly grabbing her into my arms. She just starts laughing and I pull her into my room, supporting most of her weight as I try to kick the door close, failing to do nothing but move it an inch.

"I think I drank a little too much," she replies, throwing her head back and giggling. I'm doing everything I can to keep her skirt down as she loses her footing. All I can do is laugh to try and take my mind off of how she's dressed. Her outfit is something out of a porn magazine. She steps out of her heels clumsily as I take her at the elbows.

"I can see that. How did you get home?" I ask her. I manage to maneuver her to my bed and sit her down towards the edge while I kneel down in front of her, still supporting her and trying to make eye contact with her.

"A taxi. I kinda left Reagan like she left me," she replies, laughing loudly and slumping over. I manage to catch her and hold her upright and in return, her hands move to my shoulders to steady herself.

"I would have came and picked you up, Mia," I say, a little sterner than I wanted. My mind automatically goes towards the bad things that could have happened to her. She smiles again and despite how sloppy drunk she is, she still looks so beautiful and I can't help but smile.

"I had to come home and see you, Reesh. I need you, not stupid guys with snakebites." Her hands move towards the buttons of my shirt and manages to undo the first one before my mind comes back to how drunk she is. I try to take her hands into mine to get her to stop but she's quite strong, almost like the alcohol has improved her strength.

"What are you talking about? Snakebites?"

"Yeah, fuck that guy. I woulda punched him if it wasn't so drunk," she starts, balling her hand into a tiny fist against my shirt and using the other to go back to my buttons. " _Mein kleiner Kämpfer_ ," I think as that stunning smile comes across her face. Despite her being completely drunk, I'm right where I want to be right now. Her hands start moving more aggressively and I know I have to put a stop to this.

"You're too drunk for this right now, baby," I say, taking a firm hold of her hands and moving them down to her sides as I try to put a little space between us.

"I'm not that drunk. I swear." She holds her hand up like she's taking an oath but as soon as I'm not there to support her, she starts to fall over again. I catch her before she falls off the bed and she starts giggling again, moving her hands to the waistband of my pants, trying to undo my belt.

"I'm tired of wasting time, Reesh. I want you. Please fuck me. I want to be yours."

I can't believe the words coming out of her mouth but they're definitely the ones I've been waiting to hear. Every part of my body except my dick is keeping me in line but my dick is really trying to overpower everything else. One arm wraps around her waist as my hand takes her chin and I hold her gaze.

"I'll make you a promise, baby. For tonight, we'll just go to bed and if you wake up in the morning and you still want this, I'll fuck you until you can't walk," I declare, very strictly. Her grin turns mischievous and she lays a sloppy kiss on me. If that's the worst thing that happens between us tonight, I would consider that success.

I let her go and she tries to stand up, trying to hold her skirt down. "Do you have something I can change into?" I laugh and head towards my closet, pulling out a pair of my boxers and a long sleeved shirt. When I go to hand her the clothes, she's already stripping out of her own. She stands near the other side of the bed in her bra and panties and I'm doing everything not to jump her. She looks so goddamn hot.

She motions with her finger for me to turn around and I do, trying to straighten up my room, anything to get my mind off her. I manage a glance of her bare back as she pulls my shirt over her head. I quickly avert my eyes as she turns back around, pulling out her pigtails and running her hands through her hair. She starts walking slowly over to me, trying not to fall over again.

"I'm sleepy, Richard," she says, very quietly and in a mousey voice. She lays her head against my chest and I take this as an opportunity to scoop her up, one of my arms under her knees and the other supporting her back. I lay her down on her side of the bed and as soon as she makes contact with the mattress, she grabs the pillow and curls up. I pull the comforter over her and she looks like she's already asleep.

Before climbing in next to her, I do what I've done every night that she's slept next to me: closing the door and turning the small lock, shutting the desk lamp off, shedding all my clothes except my boxers. I hear Mia sigh softly as the bed shifts with my weight. As much as I want to pull her into my arms, I can't disturb my Sleeping Beauty.

Mia moves closer to me, moving my arm around her so she can lay her head on my chest. As she wraps one of her legs around mine, she speaks softly.

"Will you sing something to me, Reesh?" I look down towards her, even though I can't really see her face.

"What do you want me to sing, babe?"

"I don't care. Anything. I love listening to you sing," she replies quietly. She nuzzles her face into my neck and wraps her arm around my waist. I rack my brain of songs and finally come up with one I know she loves.

_"I'm taking a ride with my best friend. I hope he never lets me down again..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the hiatus! I'll be trying to update this story more often.


	6. Chapter 6

When I wake up and shift, I feel a body next to me and I'm terrified that some random girl has came home with me again but my mind is put to ease when I see Mia's sleeping body next to me, her arm still wrapped at my waist. I had almost forgotten she slept here last night. I gaze at her sleeping body for a few minutes as she sleeps so peacefully, making a small whimper as I gently remove her arm and rest it on the bed. I try very quietly to step out of bed and she starts moving and waking up. I immediately stop in place as she turns over but she falls right back to sleep.

Grabbing the undershirt I was wearing last night, I head downstairs but not before I make sure she's covered properly with the blanket and sleeping tightly. She's always been a very light sleeper but the alcohol seems to be keeping her slumbered. When I enter the kitchen, Ollie and Schneider are drinking coffee at the island, Paul nowhere in sight.

"Morning," I manage, heading towards the coffee machine, grabbing two cups.

"Good morning, Richard," Ollie replies, giving me a nod. Paul comes in from the back door, smoke still coming out of his nostrils.

"Ahh, good morning, Richard! We're going into town for breakfast. Would you like to join us?" Paul announces, motioning towards Schneider as he grabs his wallet off the counter.

"No, thank you," I answer, pouring the blackest black coffee into both the mugs. Coffee should help Mia get over her hangover quickly. I take both the mugs into my hands quickly, almost like I'm hiding them. I give a quick goodbye nod to my friends and head back up the stairs, opening the door as quietly as I can.

 

* * *

 

My eyes flutter open and my head starts pounding hard against the pillow. How did I get into Richard's bed? Oh god, did I talk to him while I was drunk? I use every fiber of my being to pull myself into a sitting position, rubbing hard at my temples to relieve some of the pressure in my head.

When I look down, I notice that I'm not in my own clothes either. What the hell happened last night? I remember going to the nightclub, Reagan disappearing and the guy talking to me but after that, everything seems muddled. God, I should not have drank as much as I did. As some of the pressure in my head goes down, some of the night starts coming back to me little by little. Richard was singing Depeche Mode and I think I can remember not keeping my balance very well as my limbs seem to hurt today.

"Jesus, I never drink that much," I think to myself, shaking my head in my hands. The bedroom door suddenly opens and Richard walks in, surprised and holding two cups of what smells like a delicious hangover remedy.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," he says quietly, smiling towards me. I can't help but smile back, no matter how fucking awful my head hurts.

"I don't know how good it is," I reply, chuckling. He laughs and sits down on the bed, handing me one of the mugs. Black coffee, just how I love it.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like a freight train ran over my head, backed up, and ran it over a second time." I blow on it before taking a long sip. I start trying to cool off by fanning myself with my hand but it's no use and I end up throwing the blanket off the bed to help. The metaphorical clouds in my head start breaking up more and more and things start coming back to me when I notice that stupid school girl outfit on the floor. I remember trying to take his clothes off. Did we end up having sex? Not that I would be mad but I would have at least liked to remember it. I sit my coffee down on the nightstand after another sip, pulling my knees up to my chest as I lean against the headboard.

"What's wrong?" Richard asks, extending his arm out to sit his mug down on the desk.

"Nothing. I'm just confused. Please don't be mad but I don't remember a lot about how I got home or how I got here," I start, motioning towards the bed, "Did we...?"

"Make sweet, passionate love?" He starts, finishing my sentence and laughing as he gets up to lean against his desk, "No, we didn't. We just went to sleep. The fact that you can't remember means it was probably the right decision."

I sigh a breath of relief. I mean, I would love for that to have happened but at a time where I'm actually aware of my surroundings. It really speaks volumes for Richard as well, not taking advantage of a drunk girl and making sure I just went to bed and slept off my buzz.

"I'm assuming that's the answer you wanted to hear?" He crosses his arms as he looks at me.

"Yeah, I think so. I'm still trying to remember all of what happened last night. I'm just remembering fragments." I rest my forehead against my knees, taking a deep breath in to help clear my headache.

"I'll help you. We'll go through the evening one thing at a time. Schneider told me that you went to a costume party at Reagan's work. What happened after that?"

"I went to the VIP section with Reagan but she went off and I was drinking by myse-" I raise my head up and sigh, readjusting my position on the bed. "I wasn't drinking by myself for long," I continue, "Some guy came over and started talking to me. Reagan knew him." Richard shifts and it looks like he's become as rigid as a board. My breath hitches at the thought of him getting jealous again.

"Okay, next?" It's hard to look at him because he looks like he's very agitated without wanting to let me know he's agitated.

"They were talking for awhile and then Reagan took off again," I start, twiddling with my fingers, "That guy followed me and started seriously hitting on me and being super gross. After that, I just remember..."

"What?" I extend my legs out on the bed, resting my hands in my lap before I look up at Richard.

"Showing up at your bedroom door." He smiles and walks over to the other side of the bed, taking a seat next to me.

"At least I can fill in that part of the night for you. Are you sure you want to know what happened?" he asks, smiling very mischievously.

"Of course," I start, my heart sinking a little as I become afraid of what drunk me did, "Is it really bad?"

"No. It's not so bad. I had to stop you from collapsing many times." That explains the very sore limbs.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," I say, hiding my face in my hands.

I hear him start chuckling which puts me slightly at ease. It seems like he's taking all of this in stride and he isn't remembering how the creepy guy was hitting on me. "Please, you're like a feather. Besides, that wasn't the most surprising revelation."

I finally look up, very nervously and I feel like I could vomit and it isn't from imbibing. "What did my dumb mouth say?"

"You tried to get me out of my clothes and you asked me to dominate you." My mouth falls open and I can feel the redness coming into my cheeks. Jesus Christ, this is not how I wanted this to happen. My face immediately goes back into my hands, trying to hide my mortification as I start groaning.

"Oh. My God. Richard, I'm so sorry." He starts laughing again and I feel him scootching closer to me on the bed. All of the sudden, his arm wraps around my shoulders and his warmth is very welcomed, especially after finding out my faux pas.

"Why are you sorry? Do you think that I was offended?"

"No but-" I start, trying to choose my words carefully. I really didn't want to finally talk to him about what's being going on between us after acting like such an idiot but hiding my face right now seems to help. It's time to finally be honest with him and, more importantly, myself. "I didn't want to come at you like this while being so fucking drunk. I'm such a dumbass."

He pulls me closer but I still refuse to look at him. "No, babe," he says, his fingers brushing against my arm gently, "We all have those nights. I've had many of them myself."

"I didn't want things to happen this way, Reesh."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I liked you being wrapped around my finger."

I finally look up at him, now that it seems like I didn't make a complete ass of myself. "Yeah?" I still can't muster up many words.

"Of course. I didn't get the chance to tell you last part before we fell asleep." His eyes start burning into mine and that familiar feeling comes back to my stomach.

"Can it get any worse?" He starts crawling on the bed and stops in front of me, laying his hands on my knees as he bends down towards my ear.

"I told you that if you still wanted me to control your body when you woke up in the morning, I would fuck you until you couldn't walk," he whispers. His hands start moving up my thighs slowly and he starts rubbing my skin softly as I feel his breath on my neck.

"Jesus, Richard..."

"Tell me no, baby. Tell me no and I'll stop." This is the last thing I want but my mouth or brain doesn't want to work. I want to say words but I'm in such shock that when I finally win the battle, I feel a jolt throughout my body.

"Don't," I finally muster.

"Don't what, liebling?" His gaze comes back to mine, looking worried that he crossed a line. My hands find their way to his shoulders and I finally let go of everything that had me worried.

"Don't stop." He smiles and his lips crash into mine with no regret. My fingers run against the morning stubble that I've come to love as his hands find their way to my waist. While my worry is gone, I suddenly remember that we aren't the only people in the house and I push him off my lips gently so I can speak. "Wait, what about the guys?"

"They left," he starts, panting hard. His lips move down to my neck as he runs his tongue across my throat while nipping gently at the skin. At this point, I'd believe just about anything he told me. "We're alone. Tell me what you want, baby."

"You know what I want, Richard."

"No, I need to hear the words. Say the words."

"I want you to fuck me..."

With that, he takes my wrists, pinning them over my head and holding them with one hand while the other explores under my shirt. Well, his shirt. He pushes the shirt up to my breasts and runs his tongue slowly up my stomach, never breaking eye contact with me. He really wants me to know who's in charge. He lets go of his hold on me, backing up slightly and motioning me with his finger to sit up.

"Arms," he says and I hold them up above my head so he can pull his shirt off me and it's then that I realize that I'm bare in front him, in more ways than one. As I move my arms to cover myself, Richard puts a stop to that instantly.

"Nein, nein liebchen. Never cover up your beauty," he says, gently putting my hands down on the bed and running his hands down my legs slowly before pulling me down into a laying position, spreading my knees apart and parking right between my legs before balancing on his knees, towering over me. All I can do is stare at him in awe as he swiftly takes his undershirt off. I can't help myself and my hands move over his stomach, getting turned on more and more as his eyes smolder in my direction and my fingers latch onto his boxers.

"Someone is eager," he starts, smiling down at me, "but I need to see more of this gorgeous body first." He returns the favor and latches his fingers into the boxers I'm wearing, pulling them and my underwear off in one sensual but swift movement. His gaze rises from my exposed body up to my eyes and he looks like he's ready to take a bite out of me but instead he lays down next to me.

"I want to feel myself in your mouth," he declares, sliding his boxers down to his ankles before stroking himself slowly. I'm more than happy to oblige him and I crawl on all fours towards him, kissing him with fire before wasting no more time. I always had a feeling Richard was big and where a lot of his confidence came from but to see it in person was a whole different experience.

I look up at him as I lower my mouth down on his cock and my eyes don't move from his face. My mouth salivates around him and he twitches and moans.

"Fuck, Mia," he moans, his hands taking a light grasp onto my hair. His breathing hitches as I run my tongue up his length, breaking contact for the first time. I use this as an opportunity to run my tongue against his head before I focus on sucking on it while my hand wraps around and strokes him tenderly. The next thing I know, his hands are on my shoulder and pushing me off. When my mouth breaks off, some drool stays on his dick.

"I won't last if you keep doing that."

"Then come back here and take me," I reply, wiggling my ass in the air. He jumps out of bed like Christmas morning, rushing to lock the door.

"Stay exactly like that, baby," I hear him say from behind me. I hear him rifling through a drawer for a few seconds before hearing it shut and foil ripping. Jesus, I didn't even think about that. I'm glad he remembered to get a condom because it really did slip my mind. The bed shifts and I feel Richard's hands grasp onto my hips and he pulls my ass towards him aggressively. I gasp but can't help but smile at his enthusiasm.

"This ass will be the death of me. Mmm, are you ready?"

All I can do is nod. I'm a bundle of nerves but as soon as he enters me, everything else slips away. I gasp loudly as he pushes inside me and I grip the bed hard. He doesn't start off too rough but he definitely wants to show me his length and who's in charge. He lets out a deep breath and one of his hands runs up my spine slowly as I back into him at a steady pace.

"Fuck. Deeper, Reesh," I breathe out. My forehead meets the bed as my ass goes up and my hand meets the one on my hip, pushing against him. He speeds up, grabbing onto my shoulder and pushing into me harder. He lets out small grunts before speeding up even more, going full steam ahead. His hand moves from my shoulder into my hair and he grasps hard enough to show me who's boss but not enough to pull any out.

"Do you like the way I take control of your body?" All I can answer with is loud moans. Thank God no one else was here. Hopefully, no one comes back early and hears us. I would probably die of embarrassment.

"Tell me that you are mine," he demands, coming to a complete stop. My body goes insane at the halt and my breathing gets heavy as I'm so close to cumming.

"Richard..."

"Tell me," he interrupts, "Tell me you and your body are mine."

"I'm yours," I breathe out, "I'm yours, Richard." He starts again at full force and I cry out at the sudden sensation.

"Richard, I'm so close.." I exhale into the bed. All of the sudden, he stops again and pulls out and I whine loudly, incredibly frustrated.

"Lay down on your back. I want to see your face as I make you cum." I sigh and collapse on the bed, rolling over and facing him. His face and chest are drenched with sweat. He crawls back between my legs and thrusts into me in no time. I practically scream as he starts thrusting again, my back arching against the bed.

"Don't stop. Harder, baby," I beg him, moving my hands up his back as he pounds into me. His eyes seethe with a fierce passion and it's this look, the look that makes me feel like he has his tunnel vision set on me, that sets me right over the edge. My nails dig into his skin as I cry out and Richard lets out his last thrusts before I feel his dick twitch inside me and his head hangs with exhaustion. Both our breaths are shaky and I can't take my hands off of him. I don't want to stop touching him ever.

His head comes back up and I see those eyes again, those beautiful eyes and I know that I'm stuck. I've given him every part of me and made a promise to him that I'll never leave empty. He lays a tender kiss on my lips and there's no place I'd rather be.

After a few moments of holding each other, he turns to me with a very sly smile. "Are you ready for a second round?" All I can do is laugh as I take a moment to thank the drunk in me for finally making this happen.

 

* * *

 

_Ollie is sitting at the counter, eating lunch and flipping through a magazine as Paul and Schneider walk in, bags in hand from a successful shopping trip._

_"Hello," Paul says, setting his bag on the counter. Ollie gives a curt nod._

_"Hey, Ol," Schneider says, setting down his bag as well. He takes notice that his friend appears slightly on edge. "Is something wrong?"_

_"I'm fine. I'm a little mad that I couldn't get any work done," Ollie replies, closing the newspaper. Paul and Schneider look at each other worried before turning back to their friend._

_"What do you mean? Is everything okay?" Schneider asks, taking some of his things out of a brown paper bag._

_"I'm not really sure how to say this," Ollie starts, grabbing his empty plate and heading towards the sink, "I think that Richard thought I was going into town with you."_

_"How did that distract you? Was he blaring his music again?" Paul asks._

_Ollie sighs, turning from the sink back towards his friends."Well, Richard and Mia have been having sex for the past two hours and even my headphones couldn't drown out the noises."_

**Author's Note:**

> I have some of the story already written out with a planned out part two. What I would like to know is if readers would be interested in a crossover fandom. I've never written a crossover and I have one in mind and honestly, I like the challenge it presents since I'm always trying to improve my writing. Please let me know in the comments what you think of the story and whether or not you'd like to see a fandom crossover in the future. Thanks!
> 
> As of September 23rd, 2018, chapters 1-7 are being slightly rewritten and edited. I will include in the info whether they have been changed. Sorry for the inconvenience!


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